A Thousand and One Disturbance

Now is into the second week after my graduation. And guess what?yupz, i'm still without a job....Momo offically closed for renovation...but i havent tell ning that i wan quit....duno how to say...afraid that once i said it,probably when it reopen,im still without a job...

Joyce didnt go for the SIA recruitment...she said shes not ready...hmm....everyone ask me go try emirates...i wana try,but looking at my age...once i finished the bond,i'll be lyk 27,28? old maid...lol actually, i did wanted to try to get into SIA before, and that was like when i'm 18 or 19? Maybe when every gal reached that certain age she'll alwayz dreamed of being the singapore girl.

The only reason why i didnt go SIA is caused of my tattoo...regrets?well...not really...once one decided on a tattoo, it is known that this particular tattoo will be with you for the rest of your life...and for mine?its at a quite prominent area...well, i do admit that sometimes i really wish people won't know i have it on me, but after so long, it has already become a part of me, i have to accept it isnt it?

Momo closed last saturday. Met up with von, nic and corene before work. Just updating on one another on our life, whateva had happened etc. Von asked about sam...hmm...dun really feel the pain that much already...but of cause theres still this tiny weeny bit of it left. Then we started on the topic of smoking, nic was saying she wun live long caused she had been smoking for 2 yrs and been quite a heavy one lately. Then it dawned onto me that im much worse...i had been puffing for almost 10yrs!!!omg...i cun believed it myself too till i did a recount...this is one thing i regretted doing...i did try to kick the habit, but its difficult. Till now, i only managed to smok a lighter one and lesser each day...but the morning yearnings is so unglam...yucks!

If only i had been a good gal in cgs then i wun be what i am now...haha!!!Still rmbr thosr tyms when lihua,shanne and me skipped lessons, ran outta school and slack...the nxt morning kana called into office and often been threaten to be kicked out of school...well, true enough, the both of them got kicked out, coz lihua got pregnant at the age of 15, shanne due to a fight. And its all because of shanne that i got continue to stay in cgs coz she didnt say me out...i wanted so much to admit that i was involved in the fights as well but shanne was determined to let me stay...After that, i really did try to study, but without them i really feel damn lonely in school...detention oso do alone...kaoz...lol

Hmm...little people knew about my past, everyone thought i was a good gal having a great family, great upbringing, normal girlish frens etc. True, i'll just let them continue to think that way then, since they had painted such a beautiful pic for me, i shall not say much about my ugly past...but somehow, it is this past that made me grew up faster than most of the gals of my age...I used to envy my frens with the perfect family life. Having both loving parents, having great sunday times...me?i grew up in a family of quarrels and fights. I learnt to protect myself at the age of 10 when my mum tried to use a knife to slash me...nd the 2nd time is when she tried to use the metal hanger to hit me and threaten to lock me up in the girls' home...

Im glad that i didnt really become anything bad even in such an environment...but one bad thing is i learnt to keep everything to myself...i simply bottled everything up in me and tell no soul...i tried to open up dis few years, but i just cun do it. I felt that once i did that not much pple can accept me any further...sometimes when i think back on my past, i could just cry...not because of how bad i am, but it is because of the wrong choices that i had made...

As i had said, now is like a new chapter of my life, i really wana make something out of it...