Dead....gona be found so dead in some corner of jurong.....
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Kill me plz....
Just kill me now...heavily in debt and got to settle it by end of the month....KILL ME
Monday, April 23, 2007
A Thousand and One Disturbance
Now is into the second week after my graduation. And guess what?yupz, i'm still without a job....Momo offically closed for renovation...but i havent tell ning that i wan quit....duno how to say...afraid that once i said it,probably when it reopen,im still without a job...
Joyce didnt go for the SIA recruitment...she said shes not ready...hmm....everyone ask me go try emirates...i wana try,but looking at my age...once i finished the bond,i'll be lyk 27,28? old maid...lol actually, i did wanted to try to get into SIA before, and that was like when i'm 18 or 19? Maybe when every gal reached that certain age she'll alwayz dreamed of being the singapore girl.
The only reason why i didnt go SIA is caused of my tattoo...regrets?well...not really...once one decided on a tattoo, it is known that this particular tattoo will be with you for the rest of your life...and for mine?its at a quite prominent area...well, i do admit that sometimes i really wish people won't know i have it on me, but after so long, it has already become a part of me, i have to accept it isnt it?
Momo closed last saturday. Met up with von, nic and corene before work. Just updating on one another on our life, whateva had happened etc. Von asked about sam...hmm...dun really feel the pain that much already...but of cause theres still this tiny weeny bit of it left. Then we started on the topic of smoking, nic was saying she wun live long caused she had been smoking for 2 yrs and been quite a heavy one lately. Then it dawned onto me that im much worse...i had been puffing for almost 10yrs!!!omg...i cun believed it myself too till i did a recount...this is one thing i regretted doing...i did try to kick the habit, but its difficult. Till now, i only managed to smok a lighter one and lesser each day...but the morning yearnings is so unglam...yucks!
If only i had been a good gal in cgs then i wun be what i am now...haha!!!Still rmbr thosr tyms when lihua,shanne and me skipped lessons, ran outta school and slack...the nxt morning kana called into office and often been threaten to be kicked out of school...well, true enough, the both of them got kicked out, coz lihua got pregnant at the age of 15, shanne due to a fight. And its all because of shanne that i got continue to stay in cgs coz she didnt say me out...i wanted so much to admit that i was involved in the fights as well but shanne was determined to let me stay...After that, i really did try to study, but without them i really feel damn lonely in school...detention oso do alone...kaoz...lol
Hmm...little people knew about my past, everyone thought i was a good gal having a great family, great upbringing, normal girlish frens etc. True, i'll just let them continue to think that way then, since they had painted such a beautiful pic for me, i shall not say much about my ugly past...but somehow, it is this past that made me grew up faster than most of the gals of my age...I used to envy my frens with the perfect family life. Having both loving parents, having great sunday times...me?i grew up in a family of quarrels and fights. I learnt to protect myself at the age of 10 when my mum tried to use a knife to slash me...nd the 2nd time is when she tried to use the metal hanger to hit me and threaten to lock me up in the girls' home...
Im glad that i didnt really become anything bad even in such an environment...but one bad thing is i learnt to keep everything to myself...i simply bottled everything up in me and tell no soul...i tried to open up dis few years, but i just cun do it. I felt that once i did that not much pple can accept me any further...sometimes when i think back on my past, i could just cry...not because of how bad i am, but it is because of the wrong choices that i had made...
As i had said, now is like a new chapter of my life, i really wana make something out of it...
Joyce didnt go for the SIA recruitment...she said shes not ready...hmm....everyone ask me go try emirates...i wana try,but looking at my age...once i finished the bond,i'll be lyk 27,28? old maid...lol actually, i did wanted to try to get into SIA before, and that was like when i'm 18 or 19? Maybe when every gal reached that certain age she'll alwayz dreamed of being the singapore girl.
The only reason why i didnt go SIA is caused of my tattoo...regrets?well...not really...once one decided on a tattoo, it is known that this particular tattoo will be with you for the rest of your life...and for mine?its at a quite prominent area...well, i do admit that sometimes i really wish people won't know i have it on me, but after so long, it has already become a part of me, i have to accept it isnt it?
Momo closed last saturday. Met up with von, nic and corene before work. Just updating on one another on our life, whateva had happened etc. Von asked about sam...hmm...dun really feel the pain that much already...but of cause theres still this tiny weeny bit of it left. Then we started on the topic of smoking, nic was saying she wun live long caused she had been smoking for 2 yrs and been quite a heavy one lately. Then it dawned onto me that im much worse...i had been puffing for almost 10yrs!!!omg...i cun believed it myself too till i did a recount...this is one thing i regretted doing...i did try to kick the habit, but its difficult. Till now, i only managed to smok a lighter one and lesser each day...but the morning yearnings is so unglam...yucks!
If only i had been a good gal in cgs then i wun be what i am now...haha!!!Still rmbr thosr tyms when lihua,shanne and me skipped lessons, ran outta school and slack...the nxt morning kana called into office and often been threaten to be kicked out of school...well, true enough, the both of them got kicked out, coz lihua got pregnant at the age of 15, shanne due to a fight. And its all because of shanne that i got continue to stay in cgs coz she didnt say me out...i wanted so much to admit that i was involved in the fights as well but shanne was determined to let me stay...After that, i really did try to study, but without them i really feel damn lonely in school...detention oso do alone...kaoz...lol
Hmm...little people knew about my past, everyone thought i was a good gal having a great family, great upbringing, normal girlish frens etc. True, i'll just let them continue to think that way then, since they had painted such a beautiful pic for me, i shall not say much about my ugly past...but somehow, it is this past that made me grew up faster than most of the gals of my age...I used to envy my frens with the perfect family life. Having both loving parents, having great sunday times...me?i grew up in a family of quarrels and fights. I learnt to protect myself at the age of 10 when my mum tried to use a knife to slash me...nd the 2nd time is when she tried to use the metal hanger to hit me and threaten to lock me up in the girls' home...
Im glad that i didnt really become anything bad even in such an environment...but one bad thing is i learnt to keep everything to myself...i simply bottled everything up in me and tell no soul...i tried to open up dis few years, but i just cun do it. I felt that once i did that not much pple can accept me any further...sometimes when i think back on my past, i could just cry...not because of how bad i am, but it is because of the wrong choices that i had made...
As i had said, now is like a new chapter of my life, i really wana make something out of it...
Friday, April 20, 2007
The Awaken Period
When i woke up today,i finally realized what i wana do with my life. All along i wanted to get a job that is somehow related to my dip. However,after waiting for so long for replies from jobstreet, i came to a conculsion, or rather i have to finally admit to myself...the fashion market in spore is damn too small...i need to carve a road out for myself!!
Since i had already given up the dream of going over to aussie, then i shud fulfill my second dream, that is to have a shop of my own.but of coz i'll need capital to do so....haiz..so have decided to find a job first. I give myself 3 yrs the most.
Have to do it and i will do it!!!
Since i had already given up the dream of going over to aussie, then i shud fulfill my second dream, that is to have a shop of my own.but of coz i'll need capital to do so....haiz..so have decided to find a job first. I give myself 3 yrs the most.
Have to do it and i will do it!!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Slacker
Hmm...admit that im a slacker yup...but its only for a while isnt it? Well, at least this is what i'm telling myself.. I did send out resumes to jobstreet, and there were a few replies. But i'm not really interested in those...who in hell wana be a shoe designer??and its for an unknown company....Maybe there are a few people out there who will be interestd, but all i can say is, that is definitely not for me!!
So, meanwhile,i shall just slack slack and slack....no matter what, it is something that i had been waiting for a long long time!!-lol-
Been pondering on the question that baby was asking me two days ago...he said:"How much do i love him?" of coz i replied what a person with brians will :"Very very much indeed!" Then he said he don't feel that i love him that much....dunno why but that sentence is really hurtful. But after putting down the phone with him, i kpt asking myself, how in the hell do you let a person konw that you really love him/her to that certain extent?? Issit by telling him/her that you love him everyday, or issit by showering him/her eith surprises or gifts now and then? To me, honestly, i do not love baby that much in the first place, its not because im mean, its just a shield that i had put up to protect myself against anymore hurts that may come from him...But as time goes by, i do realized that im lovin him more and more each day...and i really wana to let him feel that...
However till now, i really duno how to tell mum about him...im afraid that she'll start to ask what is he doing right now, intending to study anot...is not that mum will look down on him, hopefully not...but, i do not want her to feel that or rather think that im making the wrong choice again..
Because i think that i did not make any wrong choice this time round. Im so determined coz hes the only guy that im willing to give up my dream of studying in Aussie...say im dumb or numb-skulled....i had already decided not to go aussie anymore...but i duno how to tell KJ that im not gg anymore...hmmz...
So right now, im really crossing my fingers real hard, praying that im right this time round....
So, meanwhile,i shall just slack slack and slack....no matter what, it is something that i had been waiting for a long long time!!-lol-
Been pondering on the question that baby was asking me two days ago...he said:"How much do i love him?" of coz i replied what a person with brians will :"Very very much indeed!" Then he said he don't feel that i love him that much....dunno why but that sentence is really hurtful. But after putting down the phone with him, i kpt asking myself, how in the hell do you let a person konw that you really love him/her to that certain extent?? Issit by telling him/her that you love him everyday, or issit by showering him/her eith surprises or gifts now and then? To me, honestly, i do not love baby that much in the first place, its not because im mean, its just a shield that i had put up to protect myself against anymore hurts that may come from him...But as time goes by, i do realized that im lovin him more and more each day...and i really wana to let him feel that...
However till now, i really duno how to tell mum about him...im afraid that she'll start to ask what is he doing right now, intending to study anot...is not that mum will look down on him, hopefully not...but, i do not want her to feel that or rather think that im making the wrong choice again..
Because i think that i did not make any wrong choice this time round. Im so determined coz hes the only guy that im willing to give up my dream of studying in Aussie...say im dumb or numb-skulled....i had already decided not to go aussie anymore...but i duno how to tell KJ that im not gg anymore...hmmz...
So right now, im really crossing my fingers real hard, praying that im right this time round....
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Finally....yeah...
Its officially over yeah!!!All the hardwork of the past 3yrs came to a fantastic closure on the stage last nite...hmm...realli a grt sense of satisfaction.
But one more worri now...im jobless and super broke....mdm wong closed down wif immediate effect from today and will onli reopen in may..dbl o oso didnt call me...oh well, dis is lyk wat pple say,the dae when u graduate is oso the dae u becum jobless....realli true man....
But one more worri now...im jobless and super broke....mdm wong closed down wif immediate effect from today and will onli reopen in may..dbl o oso didnt call me...oh well, dis is lyk wat pple say,the dae when u graduate is oso the dae u becum jobless....realli true man....
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Random thoughts
Hmm...come to think of it i havent been home for about a week plus??but no one seems to notice that i'm not around....oh well...nothing is new...im oso not realli keen on gg back...bad memories....or probably i dun dare to go back for fear that i cun take those memories...
Went for the dbl o interview,now awaiting for their call..alot of pple kept asking me y im back to the nite life when now i had my diploma?comon...its the faster way to earn money man....and i seriously need it...i have my dreams to work towards to....alwaz wanted to leave spore to live in somewhere else, to have a new start...but looking at now,im not alone,but at the same tym i duno if we do have a future...shud i work towards my dream risking being alone for the rest of my life or shud i stay on to wait?? I have no idea, in a total delimma...
Just felt dat spore is not a place for me....too many bad memories, but of coz there are good ones for me to savour on...lol...but overall, just felt that it isnt a place for me...maybe my fren is rite, maybe lyk wat he said, aussie may be a beta place for me...duno...thinking very randomly now...
Went for the dbl o interview,now awaiting for their call..alot of pple kept asking me y im back to the nite life when now i had my diploma?comon...its the faster way to earn money man....and i seriously need it...i have my dreams to work towards to....alwaz wanted to leave spore to live in somewhere else, to have a new start...but looking at now,im not alone,but at the same tym i duno if we do have a future...shud i work towards my dream risking being alone for the rest of my life or shud i stay on to wait?? I have no idea, in a total delimma...
Just felt dat spore is not a place for me....too many bad memories, but of coz there are good ones for me to savour on...lol...but overall, just felt that it isnt a place for me...maybe my fren is rite, maybe lyk wat he said, aussie may be a beta place for me...duno...thinking very randomly now...
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