Worst Month of the Year

I got a shock when I saw my roster...its so so pathetic!!Just 15 days for the whole month!! How am I going to survive on that? And to add more misery to my life, I lost my job at st james, and
I'm no longer at RC. Oh ya,one more misery to add, I have to pay the 1.3K by end of dec....can someone just kill me now??To permanently end it once and for all??

MoMo Nite

The whole day I had been thinking if I should go down tonight anot, finally just a few minutes ago, after nic called me, then we decided to go down again. Well, no surprises, since we go down almost ever week!! It's like a gathering place for all of us. If you asked me whether I'm sick of that place...hmm...my answer will be a yes and a no. Yes because the music are getting suckier no because I get to have fun with all my friends there...haha!!Ironic..

Anyway,I'm at IO right now. So happy to find that there is internet access here..haha!! But have to be damn careful not to let the isetan monsters see, if not...sure die!!

So hungry...still got 1 more hour to go....faster faster....

Awaken

A great discovery was made recently. I had actually wasted my 2 years of youth with a bastard!! For those who know me well, they will have a good idea of whom I'm referring to... Well, I'm not going into much details of what had happened, because just the thought of that incident irks me...

It seems like my final project is finally seeing some light. Things are finally moving, and we are finally all doing something. Maybe things won't be as bad as I had thought it might be... The concepts are all there, now, what we are lacking are the designs. I just can't seem to draw anything out...it seems like I had lost the ability of drawing...omg, its horendous...

I need all the luck in the world to get back my ability to draw!!!!Argh!!!It's so maddening!!

I Really Wana Give Up

It's the last part of the journey of acheiving my diploma, but I felt like giving it all up now. I felt so difficult to breathe, so difficult to find back the passion, the concentration! There are just so many so many problems.

By December I have to find the 1.3k to pay for the graduation show. Then I also have to think of ways to get the money for the school fees. Furthermore, now that we have to change our materials, re-search for new more 'classy ' materials, means, I'll have to get more money...Where in the world can I get all these money??? It's here money, there also money...omg...can someone give me money????

It's like now I realized that this course is not really what I wanted, what I actually wanted is to work in the publishing line, to be a journalist, or work in the advertising group...I shouldn't have given up the chance of studying in a JC. At least I'll be able to get into Uni easier...then can also get what I want...Upon realizing this, I really don't have much mood in doing this course anymore...I felt so suffocated!!!

Now I'm so angry with myself, angry that I didnt realized what I want earlier, angry that I made mistakes after mistakes...till now, at the age of 23, I still achieve nothing...I felt so much like a failure!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

We Have To Grow Up

Everyone has to grow up at a certain point of time. No one can always remain as a kid. Why? Because when we grew older, our responsibilites grew as well, and we have to learn to deal with all these responsibilities.

I don't understand. Almost two years, but he is still the same. Still as childish, as stubborn...refusing to hear anything that I have to say. Still running away from problems, running away from responsibilities, waiting for others to pick up the bits and pieces of problems that he had created. A few hours ago, after putting down the phone with him, (it's another round of arguement) I realized I was very lucky that we broke up. If I was still in a relationship with him, I realyl don't think I'll be able to lead my life now. My life would probably be quarrels, money woes, quarrels, working round the clock and of course, more quarrels.

I did love him once, and it was deep. However, the pain that he incurred in me was the most heart wrenching experience. To think that I even went into depression because of him! Nay, luckily I'm all over those now. I was brain dead for 2 years plus, I wouldn't want to continue being dead anymore. Now, I'm able to see things clearly, understand things in deeper depths.

To those people out there who are still lavishing on their past, please, open your eyes and see things in a different perspective. You guys broke up because of a truth. And since the truth is there, please take a good look at it. Breaking up is not as bad as you think, at least it helps you to stay away from further heartaches, further quarrels and bring you to a happier place, helping you to move on with your life, allowing you to see things or realized things that you might never thought was ever there.

Think about it....